3.2.18 - 5004 Cody Street ~ 1:05 AM MT
Heather told me tonight that she really appreciated my partnership today. She told me that she could count on me to tidy up the house, to research SEO stuff for Apollo Fields, and that trusting someone else to handle things isn’t easy for her. Since the beginning of our relationship we’ve always trusted each other because we haven’t given each other a reason not to. It’s wonderful that that reality is also seeping into the business partnership that we’re creating.
I know that few people are lucky enough to find a significant other whom they can communicate with, work with, and even enjoy being with for a long period of time. Often times it’s hard enough to even get along with yourself for awhile. Yet here we are as a couple in pursuit of a creative endeavor that incorporates and celebrates the things that we are both best at individually. There are even fewer people who can be part of something like that.
As I explained it to several people at Oasis tonight, Heather and I’s partnership and eventual marriage was borne out of the recognition of a pattern of mutually beneficial decisions and actions. To us, concepts like eternal love are irrational fantasies seated in the rationality of the human mind; pursuing them is akin to letting your conscience be commanded by a belief in heaven and hell—it allows imaginary ideas to take precedence over the human faculty of rationality.
In the past three years Heather and I have taken countless trips, published a cookbook, moved across the country, adopted a Doberman from a sandwich shop, had our Jack Russell become paraplegic, acquired a horse, and fought and laughed in between. Many things have stood in our way but none of them have stopped us. Our relationship withstands the things that come our way because we know we control our actions and that we will be there for our partner when they get in their own way.
To say that, “we don’t fight” is a misnomer and an oversimplification—we hold different opinions all the time, but it’s a matter of choosing when and where to dig our feet into the mud. It takes emotional will power to cede your pride in the name of the greater good of the relationship, but learning to govern your feelings in order to foster an atmosphere of trust, support, and honesty will always be worth it. There are times when I or Heather knows that the arena we have chosen to fight in is a waste of time or that we were not meant to share this same battlefield and we’ve learned that that’s OK. Our altercations are a matter of recognizing what works and what doesn’t, or what’s harmful and what’s helpful. It’s less of a fight and more of a concerted effort at honest communication aimed at understanding.
Through all of the fun and tears we strive to create love and act out of rationality and reason. It’s less exciting than the love stories we’ve been told and sounds less sexy than the hyperbole of unoriginal wedding vows, but it’s the closest thing to being human that I can imagine. If Heather and I love each other enough we will bring another human into a world where creativity, rationality, and reason are the concepts dangling above the crib, slowly spinning on a hand-stitched mobile as stubby, wrinkly fingers reach for the sky. Instead of pursuing imaginary fantasies we are writing our story one thoughtful camera click and pen stroke at a time.